On Marriage and Manure: Casting out the Red Pill Devil
Just call me Puddleglum
Marriage has been on my mind a lot lately, particularly the rashness of promising something impossible to give. My husband didn’t know if he could, he just decided he would. In my own rashness, I promised outrageous things which I wasn’t necessarily capable of giving or receiving properly. Now, here we are, and I don’t regret what we’ve done, but it’s all so different than a girl imagines when she’s standing nervously at the alter.
One of my adult kids recently told me that I don’t realize how impossible my intact happy household looks to people from the outside. The kid cautioned me against too much negativity or self-deprecatory language…
“If you can’t do it, then the rest of us are destined for failure. Sometimes hardship casts a dark shadow that makes it difficult to see, but nearly everything we have is happy and real. There’s plenty of work to do… but joy and goodness are achievable.”
I’m reminded of the romantic vision that a young child often has of ranch life. I want to be a cowboy! he says. At some point, the enthusiasm of youth has to square the real wholesome beauty of the work with the persistent smell of manure and the aching joints of a February dawn.
I want to be a bride! she says. She spends hours trying on dresses while one wise old aunt quietly picks out a sturdy apron to tuck into the box of china she bought off the registry. You’ll need the apron, she thinks. I hope you have cause to use the apron.
The real romantics are the ones who choose what is real and choose to be happy in it. But most young people today won’t make it very far past the barn doors.
I recently asked a man in his late 20s why people his age don’t want to get married anymore. He replied: “It’s not worth it.” What he meant was that he’d prefer the false hopes and pleasures of the vacant life he was living—sex, alcohol, money—than to have to shovel the manure of rash vows made in the service of real love.
Choose your manure, I guess.
Is my marriage happy and healthy? Yes.
Is there joy? Yes.
Are we besieged? Yes.
Shaken? Yes.
Exhausted? Yes.
Are we sometimes afraid? Yes.
Grieving? Yes.
Marriage is our crucible where we are transformed by the heat of holy fire.
As marriage is increasingly attacked from the outside, and so many—even those who believe in marriage—are enduring a painful trial from the inside, the lies of the red pill world are being planted deep in minds and hearts. Sewing seeds of doubt even in happy homes. In order to recover love, we need to dig out the rotten roots and take a spade to the serpent. It’s a little work but that’s okay…
Don't fear the fire. It is there that you will encounter the pressures that you need to become forged for sainthood. Rise and pray. Dare to sing. Dawn is coming. True freedom is near.
RED PILLED WORMWOOD
For millennia, the Church has been rescuing souls from the precipice of heresies that deny the sanctity of marriage and sexuality. At risk are not only countless souls, but also the bodies and minds of the vulnerable who are invariably treated with neglect and violence. Wherever the full truth of Jesus Christ is denied (in the heart or in the head), people are abused.
Even those revolts which seemed so distinct (new?) in their historical moment, ultimately align in their assault against the dignity of the individual and sacrament. Luther and Islam were two sides of the same coin—their destructive powers deep and enduring—with the impact on faith and family almost atomic at their height of influence.
It is not surprising then to see that the red pill manosphere movement is increasingly disdainful of Christianity (even if they wear shallow piety like a badge) and an almost visceral repugnance for the family.
Though the movement hardly has the organizational oomph of the more potent heresies (and no real theology of which to boast) the internet has enabled its toxic ideas to infect families on a shockingly large scale. We find it funneled through the microphones of charismatic professional porn peddlers like Andrew Tate and in the unlikely popularity of social media provocateur, Pearl Davis. The movement seems random, but if you follow the money and the mirror of narcism, you’ll land in the heart of the thing…
And there’ll be a stench. It’s not manure, it’s death.
In a world of crumbling families, it is easy enough for a brash personality to gather the disaffected, petulant, parentless, and grieving into their monetized fold. A standard of contempt draws those who perceive that they are victims, crushed by other. It’s simply another manifestation of wokeism, feminism, leftism, Marxism, and cultural nihilistic narcissism.
There was a brief window where the conservative media seemed to have the power to stamp out the social weeds of the red pill, though perhaps I’m overly optimistic. Either way, they’ve capitulated and capitalized on the popularity of the pied pipers of the disaffected masses, and now willingly share their platforms with what is perhaps the stealthiest heresy of our time.
KNOWLES AND THE MEAN GIRL
I’ve never heard anyone argue that marriage is easy, but a growing number of voices are arguing against marriage because it simply isn’t worth it. Among those voices is female red pill influencer, Pearl Davis, whose cruelty toward women on X/Twitter has turned into an unlikely career.
Earlier this year, The Daily Wire invited Pearl to discuss her ideas on Michael Knowles’ show. He was articulate and gentlemanly, but the format of the interview was a tactical error. He gave her over 2 meandering hours to platform dangerous (and stupid) ideas. Deference to person overlapped into apparent respect for absurdities.
I don’t like Pearl’s behavior or her ideas and yet I see clearly why she would appeal to a viewer with little understanding of marriage, authentic love, and the dignity of the human person. She also strongly appeals to men who are miserable in marriage or unlucky in love, also known as the “involuntary celibate” or “incels.”
Pearl was repetitive. Her words even “catchy,” like that Beatles’ Christmas song that we all hate but which lives on because we allow it. We can almost feeling ourselves get stupider each time we listen. We want to forget but we can’t and find ourselves humming it on the way to church.
Culture is not just an aesthetic. If we don’t object to stupid, crass, and wicked, then we take it into our being and breathe it into the next generations. Red pill contempt for woman and authentic love is no longer an academic exercise but a bloody battle for the family and the precious souls within.
The attentive listener knows pretty quickly into any recording of Pearl that there is something amiss about her—the wrong shape, as Chesterton’s Father Brown might say. Most people write it off as pure grift. She’s entertaining. Shocking. Good for content engagement and distraction. Regardless of her motives, her words are influencing culture.
In the Knowles interview, Pearl again reveals herself to be just another head of the feminist hydra. With a barely concealed disdain for Christianity and open revulsion of the feminine, she repeatedly tells Knowles that his ideal of holy marriage is useless and “out of touch” and that the only thing that matters is what “IS”… which of course is just her own dismal narrative of humanity.
She points away from the fullness of truth and hope to fixate on disorder (to which she contributes) and then directs the listener to political solutions. Just another dumbed down representation of same old same old of the spirit of anti-Christ. It’s similar to the appeal of Islam among barbarians and the fatherless. Boring really. Ugly. Demeaning. Yet still capable of doing violent damage to bodies and souls.
It is worse because she is a woman. She diminishes her own apparent dignity and comes across like a wounded child. Healed women aren’t cruel to women. Every truly healthy woman will see Pearl and weep for her while also calling out the BS.
When my daughter heard Pearl continuously redirect the conversation to "what IS," she recalled a segment from C.S. Lewis in The Silver Chair. The witch casts a spell on the minds of the children and Puddleglum so that they will no longer recognize truth. Each time they start to recall something real (the sun, Narnia, etc), she soothes them back into unbelief…
"What is this sun that you speak of?"
"Your sun is a dream... a children's story."
"There is no Narnia."
"There never was any world but mine."
But Puddleglum has a moment of clarity and his words forge a crack in the witch’s spell:
“Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things—trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a great deal more important than the real ones...”
And so it is with the testimony of the Christian, who must stand in the light and declare the truth that real romance, authentic Christ-love in all states of life, and holy marriage are not only possible, but the only path to happiness and fulfillment.
G. K. Chesterton might quote himself if he had heard Pearl's reasoning, and perhaps Knowles might if he had another go at it...
"Curing a madman is not arguing with a philosopher; it is casting out a devil."
RED PILL TRADISM
Perhaps worse even than the damage being done in secular culture is the impact the red pill deceptions are having in Christian homes and communities. There is a growing problem in the Church, especially within traditional communities where “trad” as a lifestyle aesthetic is sometimes just an ape of what is good and true; a cover for corrupted ideas of what it means to love and be loved in holy marriage.
Men like Timothy Gordon (who became known to many Catholics through Taylor Marshall’s podcast) are baptizing red pill ideas by calling them “patriarchy.” They distance themselves from the overt anti-marriage components but the net effect is similar. Incels flock to their podcasts to be consoled that the real reason they can’t find a wife is because most Catholic women are whores and feminists. The message appeals strongly to a certain population…
Marry a 20-year old virgin who will never talk back and who gives you sex on demand. She shouldn’t leave the house without permission. If she starts to gain weight, tell her to eat less. But no sports for her because that’s gender dysphoric and interferes with the purpose of her existence which is procreation.
The messages are often carried by married Catholic trad men. In a discussion about married men in the priesthood (the Church does allow married priests in various rites), one trad husband took an approach I’ve not seen before. To argue against married priests in the Latin rite, he essentially argues against marriage. “Most marriages are a disaster.”
He’s right that many married people are miserable. Many celibate priests are as well. It’s a human problem, not a sacrament problem. We cannot build up any vocation by tearing down sacrament, in reality or in vision.
As marriage continues to come under full assault from without and within, I will continue to stand and speak the plain truth. Just call me Puddleglum…
Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things—true love, holy marriage, trustworthy intimacy, sacrificial joy, the sun and moon and God himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a great deal more important than the real ones.
Love and happiness in marriage are real. Joy in suffering is real. Jesus Christ redeems. Let us proclaim these truths to a grieving world and teach our children to dream of holy and beautiful things… knowing that they are true.
Blessed be God.
Marriage discernment, dating, and marriage will be a common theme on The Wild Return this year. The family is the place where we learn to love and to receive love and we need much healing in that space. If you aren’t a subscriber yet, consider joining the conversation!
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Melody
Thank you for talking about many of the aspects of marriage. Please tell me if these words are your own, and if so, may I print them out and frame them in hopes that my sons will take the time to read them at some point? If they are from Puddleglum or from you, I want to be sure to give credit where it is due.
"Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things—true love, holy marriage, trustworthy intimacy, sacrificial joy, the sun and moon and God himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a great deal more important than the real ones."
Thank you!!! So, so tired of the Tim Gordon “theology bros” brand of “trad Catholicism”! He gives traditional Catholicism a bad name. He’s been off-putting since he first appeared on Matt Fradd years ago, but I feel like he’s gotten louder and more popular ever since. He says things that sound like Islam treatment of women but then proof-texts scripture or pulls out a line of Aristotle to make it all sound Catholic or traditional. Anyway, I am really happy to see that other people see this stuff as just the other side of the feminist coin! Thanks for writing this and I look forward to reading the coming things you write on it.