The Fumbling Domestic (keeps trying)
Books, food, heresy, and the plight of the melancholic student
THERE’S A DOMESTIC DIVA IN ME SOMEWHERE. I’LL KEEP LOOKING…
I grew up in a single parent household as a latchkey kid. And while I learned a great deal about self-sufficiency, I did not learn the finer domestic arts outside of basic survival skills. When I married at 19, I could make a passable tuna noodle casserole, I knew how to run a washing machine, and could heat anything up in a microwave…
But I also used dish soap in the dishwasher (have you done this?? It’s very cool and even more alarming to see an entire kitchen covered in several feet of bubbles)…
And I once used furniture polish to make my wood floors shiny (do NOT do this if you wish to remain upright as you traverse your hallways).
I’m now 45 and I still feel mildly teenage when undertaking domestic tasks, mothering, and general womanly skills. But I have improved with some help. I am particularly grateful to the indomitable Leila Lawler, whose writing not only entertained me but also mentored me. Her blog “Like Mother, Like Daughter” was (is) both encouraging and challenging.
I happily sat at her feet and underwent something of a domestic transformation that took me from I really stink at this to… Woah… my vocation is beautiful. I can’t believe I get to do this. Tell me more! When Sophia Institute put her joyful wisdom into a set of books (!!!) called The Summa Domestica, I knew it was bound for my legacy bookshelf, the collection of information I wanted to bequeath to children.
I have Catholic books on birth, child rearing, homeschooling, and health (one which I wrote myself to fill a gap). But this set was missing. And now it’s not.
Another gem this season from Sophia this season is the Lenten Cookbook from Scott Hahn. Dr. Hahn’s writing has played a significant role in the formation of my household… it only makes sense that this beautiful book should grace our shelves as well. It’s not just recipes, but rich content on the importance of fasting and the observance of the Lenten season.
If you are already a domestic diva, you will still enjoy Leila’s wisdom and Dr. Hahn’s insights.
ON THE DEADLINESS OF HERESY, THE GIFT OF THE BODY, AND ASPARAGUS SOUP…
When I was young, I hated my body and was drawn in by the Manichean error that our bodies are wicked; that the spiritual world was light and good and the physical world was dark and evil. I hated my body and couldn’t wait to be ‘free’ of it forever.... and those thoughts led me to an even deeper involvement in occult spirituality.
My belief that the body was an obstacle to my happiness nearly led to my death. I believed that evil was good and good was evil. It doesn’t take much to confuse a young grieving soul. Non-Christian spirituality is not harmless. It communicates lies about the most important things. Fortunately, God intervened directly in my circumstances, but I will tell you, it was close…
I might have chosen differently. I beg you: Pray vigorously for each other. Pray for your children and grandchildren. And speak the truth to them about who they are, WHOSE they are, and the goodness of life.
My whole story is a bit complex, but what ultimately saved my life (quite literally) was finally seeing the gift of my body through God's eyes and the life-giving teachings of the Catholic faith. Fast forward to this past week…
My dad made this delicious asparagus soup and served it to me. (Recipe at the bottom of this post.) The meal was good timing since I’ve been struggling recently with the effort of eating according to the needs of my body. I needed a little caretaking. I've healed from disease in ways that astound me, but sometimes... I’m just tired.
To be served and loved with thoughtfulness and consideration of my needs was a gentle lift through the rest of my week. And of course, it got me thinking about life before healing. I remember how sick I was. I remember how much work (and surrender) it took to rise up. Dwelling on the past isn’t always fruitful, but it can help to look back with gratitude and see how God has worked.
I sometimes lose courage and am tempted to abandon the effort. Then I return to the heart of the Father in prayer and ask Him to lead me through…
I only have one body, Lord. And it is from You for You. Give me the passion for Your call so that what I currently see as burden will become only joy.
St. Thomas wrote: “Grace does not destroy nature, but perfects it.” The body itself is not an obstacle to happiness but the chosen vehicle for God’s plan of eternal joy. I know that now... and I know He saved my life so that I might testify and give thanks forever. Onward.
THE PLIGHT OF THE MELANCHOLIC STUDENT
So what was supposed to be a light reflection on soup and bodily healing (above) ended up going to all kinds of places. This is why I struggle with productivity! And I wonder…
Has it occurred to anyone else that some ADHD students are just young melancholics stuck in a sterile rigid system?
The writings of John Taylor Gatto really got me thinking about this many years ago and solidified my conviction to homeschool. My husband introduced me to the idea and I was on board—mostly because I trusted him and found his reasoning sensible— but it has been an ongoing conversion to the true work of motherhood and also to the heart of the child.
Each child, each year, each subject, each moment of pain, joy, or mundane pursuit, has taught me a little more about my own formation and what a person needs to thrive. I don’t have it all buttoned up (let my kids tell you a few stories to illustrate!) but I see the framework more clearly. I would have given my right arm to stay home from school when I was a kid, grade school all the way through high school graduation (freedom day). And Gatto’s words were the first time I thought…
Maybe it wasn’t me. Maybe I’m not crazy. Maybe there’s something disordered about the system which didn’t honor what’s good about me.
My homeschool is not everything I would like it to be, but I think the kids know they are loved. And it seems to me that there is at least one little melancholic in the bunch who will never be medicated into institutional conformity.
Whatever an education is, it should make you a unique individual, not a conformist; it should furnish you with an original spirit with which to tackle the big challenges; it should allow you to find values which will be your roadmap through life; it should make you spiritually rich, a person who loves whatever you are doing, wherever you are, whomever you are with; it should teach you what is important, how to live and how to die.
― John Taylor Gattoo, Dumbing us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling
Here is the promised recipe. Have a blessed weekend!
I love your writings.
This feels refreshing. I’m not being bombarded with a million thoughts at once. It’s like an internet cozy coffee shop.
This is restorative. Wow.
I might leave Instagram for good.
I thought Id written earlier but appears I am substack-inept, ha:
I love Leila's writings! Schemed so many times back in the day -- especially whenever I would have like seventy-four tabs open to her various posts -- to somehow print out her entire blog, but these books are even better! More stuff, combined nicely, beautifully done. I bought copies for friends even!
(On that note, do you think it would be an unwelcome wedding gift to a young Catholic couple of which the future wife is planning to work and such while the future husband is planning to stay home with any kids? The idea was any newlywed couple would do well to have all her wisdom, but their plan is different than she would advocate I think and I am not trying to come off as disapproving, even if I *am* doubtful. Not my place, I don’t think.)
--Maria (formerly of ig @etomariya and Alaska, now not of ig and in MI :] )