IN THE WORLD…
Shortly after I took this photo, a teenage girl exited the ride and threw up near my feet. Her friends followed her off the ride and looked silently at the pink splattered ground. Then they all moved on without saying a word…
And isn’t that how we go about life? From one drama and thrill ride to the next with anxiety and a little puking in between. Pretending it’s fine. Hoping for respite… and also unsure if we really want it. What would we even do with it anyway? If only I had more time, I’d…
The responsible part of me fills in “do the dishes,” but the rest of me has other plans. Big plans. Time sucking thrill riding plans.
I’d walked for hours in the middle of the amusement park noise, still buzzing with the very different thrill of having recently been on spiritual retreat. And as I listened to the pumping music and the sounds of messed and bless humanity, I could still faintly hear the hush of Eucharistic adoration, and the sound of women’s voices singing praises to God.
“When I lock eyes with You… all I want is You.”
My heart beat differently even while sitting next to the pink puke. “She probably had a red slushy” I thought, and I felt a strong desire to flee back to retreat. Maybe it was pure desire and maybe it was a touch of panic, but it passed, and I laid down on the bench in the middle of chaos and noise and watched the ride launch another group into flight.
My kid was in that group looking as green as the teen girl had. I was glad to be there with him, and oddly at peace with getting a sunburn and a headache and learning again how to find silence in the world.
Somehow, even now, the Te Deum survives beside the laughter of thrill seekers and the amplified radio voice of Michael Jackson. The smell of incense remains an embedded physical memory, co-existing with the scent of boardwalk fries.
The body aches, the heart breaks, the mind turns, the noise increases. With my eyes still on my son that day, I interiorly (by grace through faith) sought the face of Christ…
“And he awoke and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.” Mark 4:39
There is peace in His presence.
And He does not leave.
Blessed be God.
When the boy stepped off the ride, I looked in his eyes and saw the Imago Dei.
“Did you like the ride?” I asked.
”No, it was awful.”
I was glad he didn’t throw up. Then we held hands and walked a billion hot steps to the next ride.
IN THE FAMILY…
I went on retreat last weekend with two of my many loves. One daughter by birth and one by marriage and both treasures beyond compare. More than ever, I am convicted that when the Holy Spirit moves in one soul, He means to move whole families…
And though we are not all going to be on the same place in a journey (indeed, some may even seem to be off the path altogether), the work is still for the whole.
Your conversion is not only for you, but for you family and for the world. The hard work that you do in the depths is done in secret but at the impetus of the Spirit who is also simultaneously working in all those you love.
We strive to stay in a state of grace for many reasons, and one of those is for the family…
So that when we encounter each other, we also encounter the Spirit. And through our surrender and obedience to God, we may continually speak and move in the language of eternal love.
The nitty gritty looks more like burnt grilled cheese sandwiches, hurt feelings, selfishness, illness, belly laughing and crazy thieving schedules than it does like lofty spiritual language. Some rifts seem irreparable. Some of us are struggling to go to Church, to restore affection for the Church and others, to keep going to confession, to pursue virtue…
But this is where healing in the family begins. One soul at a time, changing in the deep work with our Lord Jesus Christ. Transforming our daily interactions and restoring tender affection for each other. Healing our grief. Calling us back to the heart of vocation.
We adore you, oh Christ, and we praise You, because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world. ♥️
(And hey, that child you’ve been praying for? God is pursuing them. You can’t control them but your surrender to God’s work in you changes the landscape. Keep going. )
THIS AND THAT…
LIFTING HEAVY. First time squatting under a bar post shoulder labral tear. It’s been 6 months and I still don’t have full range but progress is exciting. That also means that I have enough hip strength and range as well. One year ago, I was hiking with my dad, lagging behind, struggling to navigate little stones and the fatigue of two miles. So much healing on top of healing on top of healing.
Lifting heavy seems like man’s work… until you’ve been broken and sick so often that you realize you can hardly even lift yourself let alone those entrusted to your care.
The process of rebuilding requires surrendering preferences. Frankly, I’d rather not lift anything at all but I no longer have that luxury. As my essential skeletal muscle transforms into something sturdy and useful, I’m adapting and craving the load. Mysterious beautiful design.
Speaking of heavy lifting… I recently heard Fr. Patrick Schulz deliver a powerful talk on womanhood at the Arise retreat. It often takes a man to drive home the dignity of woman. How our fathers, brothers, uncles, sons, husbands, boyfriends treat us in our feminine vulnerability can break us or heal us. His words were balm to many. Then this week, I read a piece of his story of healing on Instagram…
And it involved heavy lifting. Read it here.
As I said above, when the Holy Spirit moves in one soul, He means to move whole families. Lots of analogies with lifting heavy, but perhaps for some of us, it really is an invitation to turn off Netflix and the small space of self pity and literally pick up heavy things. More on that to come.
The Fruits of Retreat. I’m still unpacking the fruits of the weekend and will share more, but want to briefly give thanks to God and the team for the opportunity to lead Soulcore, give the Sunday sendoff talk (Heal the Person, Heal the Family, Heal the World), and sit at the feet of my God and my little mothers and sisters in Christ.
Eucharisteo!
My daughter, Grace, sang and led praise and worship on the weekend and for Soulcore. Such a gift. The following weekend (Corpus Christi) she had the opportunity to attend a silent retreat with the Sisters of Life. I haven’t had the chance to hear about her experience yet but saw this image on her Instagram and it brought me back to silent awe.
Jesus, be our peace.
A snapshot of entering into the prayers of rosary through Soulcore with my sisters…
SOFTNESS. This is currently my favorite version of this song. It stays soft. No belting or drums. When I’m struggling with prayer and trust, this is one of the songs I will play until I am praying prayers of surrender. I thank God for softness. Holy softness is not a defect, like the underbelly of a dragon, but like the heart of a mother. That’s what I’m seeking. When I‘m wounded, my tendency is to fall into bitterness. As I age, I just want to be tender. Jesus, please hold the space.
CONVERSATION. I recently had the opportunity to visit with Heather and Sophia Lebano on their podcast to talk about healing. I love these sweet ladies and hope you enjoy the conversation.
Hear and Now Podcast: Sunshine and the Bridge to Healing
SOCIAL MEDIA. I can’t help but love that social platforms condense the work of refinement…
May has been a whirlwind of trial and blessed adventure and the very best of all of it was the birth of my second granddaughter. Life is beautiful. Thank you to every member of my family and all readers who, within the brokenness and blessing of life, manage to give your fiat (maybe through gritted teeth) even when it seems futile.
He is with you. Be not afraid. One step at a time.
In Christ,
Melody
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