If You're Out There, Save Me...
Holy Week Freedom
Following a recent post alluding to my history with the occult, I was asked if my story is written anywhere publicly. It is not. There are bits and pieces that I have shared but the details of my bondage and rescue don’t serve. I’m a pretty open book but I do protect the areas which are truly private and probably not actually edifying to anyone else. I still speak in generalities to warn and to encourage (“Never, never, never” play in the occult. You are NOT strong enough. It’s great fun until it isn’t.) And I energetically, repeatedly, and specifically share about one truly noteworthy element…
In the greatest darkness of my life, I called out to God for help. I didn’t know if there was a God. I had no real relationship with Him and was not prepared to conform my life to Divine Love. But in that hour of need, I called out to the strongest Being I could imagine. I already knew that nothing on earth could help me, so my pride took a backseat to terror and desperation… and I begged.
If you’re out there, save me.
I cried out from that very bad place. And though it would be three (maybe 4) long years before my fuller liberation, He heard my pleading and He did not leave me alone. I could not see the work at the time since life was very much a melting pot of pain, but I am overwhelmed with gratitude when I look back. He was not absent. He was not silent. He stood in that space and held it for me with power so that I could grow strong enough to choose. The enemy was restricted where He did not allow and I did not invite. God poured grace into every place that I could and would accept it.
The Holy Spirit is like an ocean of mercy that can find its way through even the tiniest crack. We are enveloped in the ocean at all times… living water that is constantly seeking the smallest invitation to send in a gentle flood of grace. First, it feels like we might be drowning… but then there is freedom.
Awash in mercy. Rescued. Thanks be to God.
I’m remembering lightly (but only lightly) as we enter into Holy Week. There is deep work left to be done but never again without the hope of Easter. There is always a point of light in the darkness. Always hope.
“And Jesus cried out…I have come as light into the world, that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness.” John 12:44
Holy Week Freedom
Holy Week is a good time to ask the Lord to strip us of any unholy attachments both known and unknown. Strip us of anything foul which has attached to us through our imprudent choices or through another avenue. Most of us have many of these clinging things with which we are far too comfortable. We misidentify them as normal and think our blurry vision is clear.
In order for holy clarity—to be able to walk through evil times with right discernment—we must be free. No obstruction to vision. Spiritual blindness is not just a way of speaking about ignorance or a damaged conscience, but a very real blockage of mental, spiritual, and even physical vision. My literal battle with evil (which almost cost me my physical life) taught me that we can believe that we are wholly free while being almost wholly bound.
We do not need to live in fear. I do not walk through life terrified of slipping back into darkness. But I am prudent. Above all else… I know that true freedom is only attained by continuously inviting God into every space in our lives and then surrendering to His sovereignty.
It’s a good time to do that.
We can be free. No obstruction to vision. I encourage you to pray for that liberation. In His time. In His way. For His glory and our salvation…
Pray that God will illuminate unholy attachments and then take them away if we will not give them up. (Scariest prayer ever, by the way.) It may help to pray first for the desire and courage even to pray that prayer. Maybe this week. Maybe now.
Then get ready to cling to Him with courage as He answers your prayer.
May the God of peace himself sanctify you wholly; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept sound and blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful, and he will do it. ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:23
Learning to Love Weakness
Speaking of weakness… hard truth is that we can’t just pray our weakness away. Prayer is strengthening because it brings us into relationship with Strength and Life Himself, but it does not replace the work of responding to that relationship. We still have to get up and do the dishes. We still have to engage in the disruption of our addictions and love of what is not of God. We still have to renew our minds and bodies according to God’s design.
I wrote a guest post at Pietra Fitness this week about leaning into our weakness in order to recover strength. It is an uncomfortably practical thing. Pray and work. Lent is the perfect time to get a little uncomfortable with it so that we can thrive in His grace…
Instead of feeling defeated in the presence of our weakness, we should grow accustomed to delighting in the opportunity to grow into a better version of ourselves. There will still be that twinge of pride when we see ourselves in an unflattering and weak light, and yet that is the moment to surrender it to the Lord, lay it down at the foot of the Cross, and ask Him to help us rise with energy and courage.
And since you’re still allowed to laugh during Holy Week… (image)
May the joy of Jesus be with you always. See you on the other side of Easter!
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Have you ever read Lewis's Space Trilogy? Specifically That Hideous Strength? If you havent, I cannot recommend highly enough, that book correlates to The Abolition of Man, which is a great recommendation in itself.. But! Your snippet of story here reminds me very much of Mark's cry for help also. I forget the exact wording, but it sounds just the same! He gets to a point where he has no idea what even to do and the dark comes to him in a prison cell like its own entity and attacks him, and after it ebbs away for a second, he appeal to he knows not what/whom, and that is the beginning of his salvation. Anyway, a GREAT book, not just for that part. But thank the Lord he is willing to take any little weak attempt on our part and run with it. I can't even name my own such moment, but then again I had the grace, I suppose, of always just being sure, even when my mind would explore, in sort of thought experiments, to the contrary, there was God, it was just a given. I at various points ignored him, forgot, etc. But I knew. Anyway, that's a different topic. I just wanted to share the bit about Lewis/Mark/That Hideous Strength
--Maria :]
Encouraging and honest writing, thank you. I’m new to Substack, if you have any tips or recommendations I’d appreciate it.
Have a great Easter Sunday!