She left the church and sat on the steps, alone and in the dark. She had been trying to tell us that she was hungry and tired...
“I don’t want to be here anymore. Can’t you be done talking?”
But we weren’t done, and so she took herself just a few paces and turned away. She knew if she stayed that she’d become disagreeable. She knew she’d feel unheard and angry... and so she summoned some deep wisdom and stepped away.
Sometimes, what people call “cancel culture” is really just the establishment of healthy boundaries. So that love and relationship can survive.
Here is the difference:
Cancelling someone causes intentional harm. It is designed to delete their personhood and destroy their work. It lacks empathy and love. If it were a sound, it would shriek and cackle.
Boundary setting, on the other hand, seeks the greatest good for all. It recognizes that human weakness can only carry so much weight before it fails. Can only take so much trauma, stress, sorrow, or abuse. It steps away with the hope of reconciliation. If it had a sound, it might sound like prayers of trust mingled with tears.
Boundaries can appear to some like canceling, but they are ultimately oriented toward hope. My daughter is fiery. And yet even at her tender age, she understands these things innately. If the soul could talk...
“I do not like what you are doing. It is hurting me. I am frustrated and don’t like you right now. I need a moment.”
She wasn’t hardened to us... she was sensitive to us. And protective. Of herself. Of a beloved relationship. I realize the comparison is imperfect and incomplete, but sometimes things are simpler than we make them. If you need space from certain people right now, it’s probably okay to take a moment away. Let your tears fall and your disappointment work itself out through prayer and busyness...
And maybe it won’t be long before you can loosen the boundaries a little. Maybe remove them entirely. Or...
Perhaps division is the only way to allow everyone to heal. It might be a humiliation to you. Misunderstood. But only you know what you can carry. All paths are hard. But not all lead to healing.
Come Holy Spirit. Bestow wisdom. Amen.
Healing Families…
Familial healing has been on my mind a lot lately. My conclusion and persistent reflection over the past few days is that it is not only possible… it is critical. The family is the anointed vehicle through which transformation happens in the world, through which the testimony of Jesus Christ is birthed and nurtured and sent forth. It is there that we learn love… and also receive wounds that become obstacles to love.
There’s a lot more to say about it but the one word I want to give today is…
HOPE.
As we slide into Advent, that seems particularly fitting. I invite you to hope again in the possibility of healing in impossible spaces… and then trust that He will do it, in His way and in His time.
I am thankful to my SoulCore family for the opportunity to gather recently at our leader forum and dive into this topic more deeply with the men of the Restore the Glory podcast. I highly recommend their work and am excited about attending the Healing the Whole Person retreat later this winter.
Another recent experience of praying through SoulCore with my family reinforced the goodness and truth of what was presented at meeting and gave me so much hope. One step at a time, friends. One act of charity. One prayer. One surrendered heart. God’s greatest attribute is His mercy…
And with our permission, the Holy Spirit Himself instructs our hearts in this school of love… and heals.
Healing the Church…
If you would have told me two years ago that my household of ten would now be a household of seven with two married kids and a grandbaby…
Moved away.
Broken relationships.
Restored relationships.
Marriages.
Losses.
Cancer diagnosis.
Losses.
Miracles.
Conversion…
And then told me all that would transpire to make it so… I might have taken up drinking coffee. I also might have said my prayers a mite more fervently.
But no one told me, and so I flew through the tornado like a disheveled hormonal Dorothy, thought a couple times that we’d never land, and am now observing a little squish of a granddaughter sitting placidly on the lawn.
Sometimes when I think of restoration of Christ’s Church, I think it must be like an uncovering of an edifice, like an archaeological dig to find a forgotten fortress. I think that maybe we’ve passed it or missed it or built over it or broken it. I go looking into the past to find what must have been but seems to have crumbled at critical places.
And other times I gasp as the Holy Spirit moves among us. So busy looking through rubble, I nearly miss the fire, the storm, the whisper, the tears… and the tiny seed planted in the heart of the family. Where is the edifice? Where is the stone? Where is permanence and promise? It is in the Ecclessiae Domestica, nourished by Eucharist and unction and Word…
Received in the working of hands, the plodding of feet, the wiping of noses, the covenant between souls.
All Saints Day is always a solid peek into the mystery of Church and the cathedral built of the Imago Dei in God’s people. He chose a messy bunch for sure. He knew it. He knew what we would be. And He did it anyway. It is within that mind-boggling choice of the Creator of the Universes where we must find holiness…
In the midst of the tornadoes. Sitting on the lawn. Quiet fidelity. Persistent gratitude, perseverance, and praise.
Church Triumphant, Ora pro nobis!
What I’m Reading…
The Devil and Bella Dodd from TAN Books (use code MELODY15 if shopping!)
Be Healed by Bob Schuchts
True Devotion to the Holy Spirit by Luis M. Martinez
Also currently reading study materials to certify in foam rolling for myofascial release. The design of the body is beautiful and mysterious. The more I learn, the more gratitude grows.
Life Updates…
Slowly inching my way back from a season of intense illness. As if to celebrate my one year anniversary of covid with panache, my immune system decided to take a hiatus for a couple of months. Instead of looking at it as a “setback,” I’ve determined to see it as information and have adjusted accordingly. Advent will not be a splurge season for me, but healthy and slow... honoring the gift of the body, of life, of time, of family.
After a blessed and fruitful year of study, I will be finishing up my Pietra Fitness certification in December. I hope to bring both SoulCore and Pietra classes to my local and online communities soon. More on that to come in 2023.
I’ve been enjoying a flurry of fun interviews, most recently with Angela Erickson on her podcast Integrated. Our conversation touched on yoga, the importance of language, and the trend of Catholic women delving into the occult. Listen here:
Our fourth child graduated from our homeschool high school with her Associates degree in hand, summa cum laude.
Our son and daughter-in-law will be making a brief visit home for Christmas! She is currently undergoing intensive cancer treatment at an integrative oncology clinic on the other side of the country. To learn more about her treatment, a combination of medical and natural therapies, you can visit her Instagram at CatholicCancerConquerer. They are welcoming prayers and donations as she moves through chemo and recovery (none of which is being covered by insurance).
Now, back to the dishes and the beautiful faces of my household, some of which may be stuffed full of All Saints’ candy while mom has been occupied. May God be with you in whatever sticky circumstances you are currently engaged. Mary, undoer of knots, ora pro nobis.
May the peace of Christ be with you, friends, as you prepare your hearts for an anointed Advent.
Melody
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